You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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