I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
