This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just blew my weed a kiss
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
