it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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