I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
