I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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