then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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