If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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