so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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