the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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