dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
