I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
