i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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