did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize