all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
