Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
