i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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