I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i've created a new STD.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize