just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dick has a subreddit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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