I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk