I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit