If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk