Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
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no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.