my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.