She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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