and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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