The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Congratulations! We have a period
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