I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
