Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
