so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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