Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
