Buhtt sex?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
