Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
