did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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