can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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