Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
