i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
