i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
