All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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