Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
