I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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