I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
