I wish I only lived at night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
