So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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