Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
