You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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