Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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