I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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