I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
