Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My life is pants optional.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
