drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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