his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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