we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
