cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dignity is for republicans.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
