So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
