I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
