I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
