So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
