Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
