careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
