I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
