I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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