no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
