I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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