he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
