True but thats because hes a fetus.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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