Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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