They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
