guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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