I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
