dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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