If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fuck appropriateness.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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