The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
