Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
