What a fucking waste of an outfit
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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